I Am What I Am

i will be back!!!! i have one brewing alreade

i am not who i am

i am not
who i am
i am who
others have
made me

mother
father
teacher
master
priest
wife
lover man from hell
the beast who lived next door
whom i loved at 14
the whore who abused me
you used me
you made me

i would love
to accept myself
to be me
but which me
shall i choose

choir boy
boy toy
daddy bear
bum boy
graduate
addict
addict in recovery
free wheelin
dylanesque
(both bob and thomas)
poet in mania
broken depressed
messed up
angel
divine being
street wise thing

all of you
collectively
are me

when shall i meld
these fragments
when shall i hold
this me
whole to your mirror
and shine

© Carlton Carr 2013-10-17

I am what I am......the darkness you see in the shadows just before light
 That flash lunacy in the man holding his hands out in rage for the money you give him. Im that sparkle hung from gold cushioned between the heaving breast of the gilr that raises her head to look away as you pass by. Im that rush of blood coursing through your heart. Im those dark eyes staring and digging down deep in your soul. Blinking you cant resist the feeling of letting yorself go.Sssssh.......I will build you up and tear you down. I will raise you up to the sun offer you up as my queen,  my beautiful queen.........only to let you drop crumble to pieces,  as stand I stand over you I weep, but one solitary tear,  asking my self......no, its done....I walk away smilin

Of art and articulation

Indolence always gets the best of me
I feel like a jab
painting images without metaphors,
avoiding the intense visions of the lot
Indifferent, inebriated.
All demons slayed. Spread eagle.
Life seems to be a hassle,
in two ways on the same street
I am the attention whore
who wants to be left alone
Pushing them back only draws them closer
Today is no different,
a muse, a good laugh, a realization
my schedule is full again.

I just want to spend my time
anything else lacks luster
Goal: (noun)
1. aim, 2. end, 3. target, 4. purpose,
5. intention, 6. objective, 7. ambition,
I have none.
You can't force me, try as you may.
What does pique my interest is art
If I ever get over self indulgence,
which I will market emphatically,
I may consider starting a career
Controversies are fun, so is nudity
to balance them both in one hand
and collect with the other
that is art.
Form, the world has never seen.
Abstract ambiguity rewriting itself.
Displeasing parents and loved ones around.
The one the perverts idolize
the critics would bow in awe to
Ah yes...

I feel so lazy.

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/images/uploads/poemimages/131576.jpg

I am me....

A mother to some
lover of many.
Submissive to one
Dominate to the rest.
Brilliant to a few
dumb to the rest.
I am many things to all
but I am everything to me

Paranoid/ Schizophrenic

Im fucked
But don't fuck with me.
Wild look in my eyes, you can plainly see
Mind is weak, you are meek, like a common sheep
I see the way, everyday, people look at me
Look at me, what you see, is a fuckin creep

Like a Sir, spittin' slurs, Sir Creepy
Go to town, count the sheep, makes me sleepy.
Sometimes, my rhymes, childish
Limerick
Go figure
Pissin stupid people off when I say nigger

Im fucked
But please don't fuck with me

City fucks, you don't know, how we do shit here
West-by-god, fuck around, might just disappear
From the hood?
Shut up, bitch
Shut your fuckin' mouth
All the talk, you ain't shit, not what im about
Makin signs, actin' hard, you look retarded
What's that look for?
Cuz I just farted?
Don't want any shit, don't get shit started.

Im fucked
but don't ever fuck with me.

The Flip Side of Grace

I am Grace
When I love
I love deep and hard
I give my all
I give my everything

I am Hallmark Cards
Rolled within Roses
Rainbows and Kisses
ribbons and puppy dog's tail
That is Me

If you met me
You Know that you
have been Loved...

There is another Grace
haunted by a past
no one knows but one
hatred like sizzling pokers
behind closed eyelids

Pain in crimson
within a broken body
agony like sulfuric fire
within my bowels
I descended to Hell

I sprawled supine on ember
until my heart died
and like a seed fell
broken and dried
with my barren soul

one day it blossomed
grew and flowered
loved deep, loved hard
but it never forgot
the Flip side of Grace.

I seep into your dream in a steamy creep of death  
 
Stealing the life from your lips in gladly given drags  
 
I am the bones of the specter haunting everything  
 
I am the slimy zombie gaze  
 
Hidden behind mirror laced shades  
 
Ignoring your words in the daze of picturing your pouty lips tracing my length  
 
I am the spirit of wrong in all the wrong that you see  
 
Project the imagery of a ghoulish visionary  
 
The ghost looming sinister over this conversation  
 
Haunting your ability to be taken seriously  
 
Leading the throng of drunken minds into an orgy of positions  
 
No need to thank me, this is my harvest  
 
Watching an innocent blossom wilt in shame is the sugar of my feed  
 
I am primal strangle  

Itching to shatter the glass floor beneath you  
 
I am the new cock thriving in your last girlfriend's sloppy juice box  
 
Rape my way to your house  
 
Lose myself in your mouth  
 
I am the man that you fear to have your rear naked near  
 
I am the natural progression of a man's stare to search the prowling arches of a woman for succulent entrances  

I am the teacher that makes you stay after class  
 
Polishing my apple until you see your own blushing ass  
 
I am the darkness of night's embrace  
 
I am the mistake you made your knuckles bleed in trying to erase  
 
I am the hideous face following you in this nightmare pace
 
I am the desire for a hole to turn whole  
 
I am cruel simplicity  
 
I am lust and this is your invitation to come fuck with me  

No Name 3.

"Where I am?"
"Where have I gone?"
"Who am I?"
"Where the fuck have I gone?"she screams and screams til her throat is hoarse.
Nothing feels right,nothing fits.
She's unhappy in her own skin.
Lose fucking weight.
She wants to paint again.
Dancing in the night,
she sneaks away from him hands in the pockets of her jacket and a cheshire grin.
Stalking the dawn,this is where her future begins.
All alone in the ripped jeans everyone hated so much in highschool she feels better than she ever has.
"This is not who I am,this is not where I belong","Im off" she says,"Off to find out where Ive gone.."
"If I should return" she says,
"Make sure Im here when I get back."

the shitty truth

took so many opiods this week
i wish i would have saved at least a few
for when i finally
could have a bowel movement
felt like a backwards hollywood prison rape
made a huge exit

I am what I am
no one can change me
I love who I am
and there is no hope
to ever try to mold
I am no piece of clay
you can not add a little
water and mix me around
you can not take a knife
and cut away what you
don't like to see

I am a lover
I can love you like
you have never been
loved before

I am a fighter
I will fight for
what is right
I will not just stand
still and take blows

I am a poet
I write what I feel
I will not write to
please others
you don't like what
I write don't read it

a am me
a hyper child at times
a mature adult at others
a young woman trying to live
I am all these and so much more
either you accept me or you don't
I don't really care