How you left me

I feel broken hearted,
its like my tears are full of open caskets
so when I'm left by the living, a deeper pain i feel
like nothing fucking maters, was any of it real

relationships can suck, I've seen people cry
but to me its supposed to mean more than blue roses and lies

I try to provide
I told her whatever she needed, support or whatever its fine ..

plans for the future but did she ever care
it seems image more important than a loveless tear

I loved her more than anyone she said our love was true
she said it just wasn't enough, but there was nothing I could do

I probably shouldn't be writing, why the fuck am I punishing my self with this shit
it just seems the longer it takes the more I try to empathize with the bitch

I just hate! there was nothing i could do about it
chained up and left for dead, my heart was martyred
I just, feel broken hearted!
its like my tears are full of open caskets
she just changed her mind, they do, say love is blind
but this situation has cost me mine!

How You Left Me


In a greater sin than I could ever slither into
in the recesses of my homo-fabulous mind.

In pain.

Bewildered at the consequence of something I didn't believe in
(what now? This was never supposed to happen).

On foot, both of us.

Angry at the world for giving me something so beautiful and then cruelly
twisting it out of my grasp. Some things are better left unknown to the heart.
I would rather it be so, anyway.

So alone, without a friend in the world who could fix what was broken,
although they tried, my God, how they tried.

For dead.

Alcoholically incapable of seeing a way out.

With a duffel bag in your hand, and a backpack slung over your shoulder,
tears in your eyes as you twisted the doorknob. Refusing to look at me as I followed you outside.

Angry at myself for letting it go to the point of no return, for not making better peace with
this twisted little family. And bitter for not being my princess-in-shining-armor.
A silly thought, really - girls like me don't get rescued.

Reluctantly.

Necessarily.

With a slow, burning, exploratory kiss. Your mouth was more than my captor,
it was my master. It was my sun, my king. My god. The whole world blearily
sank into the cracks in the asphalt as you stood, in front of our house (Our House),
and latched your lips onto mine, siphoning out my soul. Your hands cupped my face
in an unrelenting need that melted my pores and left scars on my psyche.
I was dizzy and short of breath, longing for this to still be
when I opened my eyes. So I did, and then,

that is how you left me.

DEEP SILENCE !!!

All day sitting alone in the dark
Seeking where did I lose my Spark
Speechless: That I have always been
Because of a dark secret left unseen.
 
When words came to mouth,it cut my tongue
Throat choked, And suffocated my lung
None in the haunted room to help me survive
Blood kept flowing, no way to strive.
 
Tick-tock tick-tock the time crawled
The sins of my life in a flash recalled
My last breaths calling me near
I want to run, escape from this fear.
 
It will be a goodbye to all the lies
No one will hear anymore cries
Inject me sweetly and take me to hell
The only place of peace where I wish to dwell.
 
The cruelty in silence took over me
The deadly poison will soon set me free
Cleaving the mind with its brutal blade
One more time, Deaths agony remained unpaid.

** Depicts only the condition after my break up and what all I went through during such phase.

Stay Way Away

You say, stay away 
but you know I could have you any damn time I please 
and that turns you on 

I only stay away because if someone tried getting in the way of me having you, 
I'd have to hurt them or worse
that includes you 

the fighting was over
after so many
years of tit for tat
though i like tits and tats
it was like i had been held
slightly below the surface
of the water for two years
never quite getting enough
air, and now my lungs ached
with relief
breathing
standing
free
i wasn't angry
merely relieved

Duncan said:That piece was awesome, the ABC's of a bad breakup. I was impressed that the alphabet theme flowed so well, it didn't seem forced at any point.

Thanks Duncan

Welcome to California

There's a flight out of here,  
to everything I've fought for.  

There's nothing left for me here,  
nothing worth craving.  
Nothing worth its strain in emotion.  
It's set, hardened to concrete.  
My doubt is seeping through  
and making it crack.  

I didn't mean everything,  
there's still you,  
there's still everything I've wanted us to be.  
I cannot give you everything,  
as if you would accept.  

Your pride is your downfall.  
It brings out the best in you,  
hurting me, I have to say.  
There's nothing left for me here  
if there's nothing more for you to say.

The seeds of time have been planted
But yet, they seem to not have grown
With all the time spent waiting
and still I am alone.

Patience has come easy for me
For I could wait all of my life
Even though your love has torn me
As it feels just like a knife

Courage has formed inside me
As I fight to keep this dream alive
And in my dreams the door opens
But you never come inside

My tears have slowly faded
As I try to stand on my own
But my heart has broken slowly
since you left me all alone

As you leave...

The Love that stood so strong by our sides,
Slowly begins to crack as I discover you feel it no more.
Happiness, who held my smile,
Loses grip, and let's it turn into a frown.
Those words, as deadly as bullets, hit me, and knock me out.
And Your steps that once eagerly walked to me,
Now from me, walk away.

I Weep and fall to the floor for you,
Someone who I never knew or loved before.
But yet, My throat swells up,
leaving me no air or words to speak.
I feel the pain throughout me,
As it all comes back to me.
I remember it all,
But it now seems,
it was only an unrealistic dream.
My body and mind feel so tired and used,
Why did you wait so long until I fell in love?

Tell me when this misery will end,
Or could you tell me you'll be back to stay instead ?
Tell me what I did wrong to make you leave me,
To make not feel anything for me.
Or could you tell me you never had a change of heart
And then run back into my arms?
Are you listening, as I yell your name,
As I collapse and beg you to extend your stay?
Do you listen, to the beat of my heart,
As it gets colder and slower with every step you take?

But now you're gone,
As if you never cared at all..
You left me here to fall apart...

With Hope on my mind
And the only thing keeping me alive,
I lay alone,
With the our Love broken into millions of pieces,
All over the floor.
With Sadness laying closely on my side,
your presence slowly diminishes into the cold night.
With Memories in my hands,
Like glass, make me bleed
as I tighten my grasp.
With my vacant eyes opened wide,
And With my lifeless soul holding me with its emptiness ,
I wait in silence for your return tonight...

*What I am Left with*

Insominia
Anxiety
Heartless
Blindness
Friendless
emptiness
these are things you left me with
Pain
Hurt
Confusion
weakness
low self esteem
And everything in between

Well that's what I thought at the start
Meanwhile you where strengthening my heart
From the scares you left my mind learned to heal
How to tell the difference between fatasy and real

I thank you for taking off with my heart
I think a lot more clear now that we are apart

Apathy
Strength
focus
liveliness
happyness
Thanks for the things you left me with

Yea the ABC's deff blew it away very very creative I love it!!!

an oldie...

Just when I was about to start writing Haiku again

and I cling upon you  
like a leaf on the branches  
of a young and foolish tree.