"Born-Again" Collaboration

Can I use one of yours ?

Cool idea. Just to clarify, is it adding to it, rewording it, either or both?  

Dup only huh hmmm

Deleted I'll enter with something else . I can't make your beautiful poem ugly like my inside give me a day or two

Deathproof  


Pride


my old man took revenge seriously    
had the cops round more than once    
for threats made in public places    
fired up on angry liquor    
   
had a reputation for not makin’ 'em empty    
   
put a bomb under a car once    
to even out a workplace injustice    
and I admit I admire that    
in a twisted way    
have to admit    
too    
that chip has landed    
on my shoulder    
   
have more than once    
planned a long campaign    
of chickens sent home to roost    
   
burnt a shed or two down    
and not sayin’ here    
that I regret it    
   
but do wonder    
since he was man enough to stab my mother’s lover    
into death    
where the hell I’d stand    
if it ever came to that    
   
not sayin’ I have the juice for murder    
or even that I’ve cared enough    
about anyone    
to get that far    
sideways    
   
just askin’    
what is it about us both    
that made us weak    
that way    
to need to see another suffer    
burn    
for our sleights    
   
not sure I’ll ever know    
but I’ll tell you this for nothin’    
   
don’t come here    
cunt    
with threats    
unless you like hearing sirens    
or you’ve got a mind    
to play the game    
for keeps


My version of pride


 
    
My old man took women seriously 
Beat more then just one
He even broke a mug across ones 
face
Fired up on angry liquor


had a reputation for being a ladies man
    
put a misses under a car once     
to even out an affair injustice     
and I admit I admire that     
in a twisted way     
have to admit     
too     
that chip has landed     
on my shoulder     
    
have more than once     
planned a long campaign     
of cocks sent home to cook 
    
beat a few people down myself 
and not sayin’ here     
that I regret it     
    
but do wonder     
since he was man enough to stab my mother
But not enough to kill her 
where the hell I’d stand     
if it ever came to that     
    
not sayin’ I have the juice for murder     
I care to much 
But never let anyone that close
Not even 
sideways     
    
just askin’     
what is it about us both     
that made us weak, twisted    
that way     
 to see people that love us 
burn     
for our sleights     
    
not sure I’ll ever know     
but I’ll tell you this for truth   
    

You can come here 
Cunt      
with threats     
Don't fear the sirens      
I've got a mind     
to play the game     
Never for keeps 
I'll throw you out like last nights supper 
Just like daddy always did 



I may be doing this all wrong lol
But as far as collabs go they write some I'd write some
I didn't do much here
Just can't change what isn't broken. I'll try again with another poem.
Thanks dp

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That's pretty good, gg. Sure, it helps startin with deathhead,
but I like how you altered the politics of it;
cool!

@steve: this is a neat idea. i'm thinking of taking
two poems that i really think suck and mixing
them...
probably a 'dying love' and a 'panting porno'

Gigi, I think you did a great job!

Thanks everyone and yes it's all deaths I just altered his words into mine.
With his permission of course.

YOU ARE NOT WEAK
Somelikeithot’s (Kitty) Poem
Rewritten as collaboration with Grace

You are not weak
If you have mental illness
You are not weak
If you are depressed
You are not weak
If you have been bullied

I see colours in realms of darkness
Help me tell me I am not insane
I see death-wish in velvet skies
Rescue me from this
Despair
Help me for I have been bullied

You are not weak
If you are not a success
You are not weak
If you have fibromayalgia
You are not weak
If the doctor does not know why you are ill

Like babbling brooks that flow forever
Opportunities gone, never to return
Grasping floating dead straws
Chances gone, they disappear
Visions impaired with pain
Tears of fears and failures

You are not weak
If you do not bounce back easily
You are not weak
If you turn the other cheek

I lay in stupor upon this bed
Not moving, I can’t anymore
Fight and stay alive
In a world full of pain
I feel...end it, this life.      

Life is filled with invalidators
They will tell you lies
Life is filled with discounters
You complain, they deny
Life is filled with emotional vampires
Being with them drains you dry
Life is filled with people who want you to fail
Only then, will they feel bigger
Just remember, it is THEY WHO FAILED

Avoid the path that they do trod
And live a life that do you proud
What care we for liars all
What secret should we share at all
Let them live their life of sham
For they lie not to you and I
They lie to themselves and that they know

Some people only feel good
When they can pity someone else
Some people only feel good
When they can put somebody down
Some people rant and rave
Think they are heroes
In their mind
See them for what they are:
INVALIDATORS - Pathetic humans, pathetic minds.

They who savour ugliness
Show them the shadows of beauty
They inwardly covet
Having none to share at all
They scrap visions of splendour from grey walls
In their muddied mind they embroider
Stars.


PS: Thank you Kitty for allowing me to use this poem. The Italics are mine as you well know. Humbled to be able to write beneath your poem: Thank You: I hope this adhered to the competition requirement.