Deepest Regret

Another Morning Without You.

My eyes are raw,
rubbed from crying.
Because again last night,
I caught myself lying.

Lying again,
to my little head.
“No, it can’t be,
my daughter’s not dead.”

I dare not to look over,
or to roll in my slumber.
No bassinet will be there,
still, I hide under covers.

Some songs I may not hear,
a few untouchable possessions.
My head is swimming rather fast,
from my ready-made depression.

I’m standing over the sink,
knuckles white from gripping the sides.
Not one peek into the mirror,
gasping, down I slide.

Just one more morning,
made it through the night.
That leaves me counting down days
to the rest of my life.

I wrote this for my daughter, I miscarried her and that is my deepest regret..

One More Minute...Please

Beep
    Beep
         Beep
Goes the machine that reminds me you are still alive

Whoosh
       Whoosh
               Whoosh
Goes the machine that pushes air into your lungs to make the machine go beep

We talked about this before
This is not what you want
To be alive without living

You asked if I could do it
I promised I would
I know what I have to do

I just need
one more minute...please

One more minute to tell you thank you

thank you for
saving me from her, from him, from them, from me
loving me unconditionally
forgiving me
             anything

One more minute to tell you I am so, so sorry

sorry for
hurting you
leaving you
betraying you
lying to you

One more minute to tell you, I still need you

need you for advice on
 the kids
 work
 friends
 life

One more minute to tell you the kids

made straight A's
made the team
got a trophy
made a difference somewhere

had their first dance
                  date
                  kiss
                  heart break

  graduated college
  got a degree
  a good job
  married
  kids

One more minute to tell you a lifetime of things that I will now never get to tell you.
One more minute to ask you everything I need to know about life.
One more minute to make right all of my wrongs to you.

One more minute to realize that
                                        I don't have one more minute...

BleedingInferno219 said:Another Morning Without You.

My eyes are raw,
rubbed from crying.
Because again last night,
I caught myself lying.

Lying again,
to my little head.
“No, it can’t be,
my daughter’s not dead.”

I dare not to look over,
or to roll in my slumber.
No bassinet will be there,
still, I hide under covers.

Some songs I may not hear,
a few untouchable possessions.
My head is swimming rather fast,
from my ready-made depression.

I’m standing over the sink,
knuckles white from gripping the sides.
Not one peek into the mirror,
gasping, down I slide.

Just one more morning,
made it through the night.
That leaves me counting down days
to the rest of my life.

I wrote this for my daughter, I miscarried her and that is my deepest regret..

OH MY GOD!
I know this pain.
This is such a sad write :'(

"Just one more morning,
made it through the night.
That leaves me counting down days
to the rest of my life."

Aww man...

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Oh girl, I am so sorry...is she coping with it okay?

This competition is so sad...geez!

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Oh gosh, that is so hard...I will be keeping you both in my prayers

I don't deserve this
No, not this time..
I don't deserve this,
God please take my life!

Don't let this girl die
Because of me!
Because I was driving
Recklessly..

I sit in the hospital
With a few broken bones..
And there's an 8 year old girl in there
That may never go home..

I never saw those
Brightening lights!
How should I know
I was on the wrong side?!

This isn't fair..
She doesn't deserve to die..
So god I am begging you!
Please take my life!

I wonder to her room
And take a peek in..
She's hooked up to equipmet..
And I can see a forced grin..

She motions me inside
And says, "It's okay"
I start to cry
She wipes them away..

She told me she was fine
She doesn't understand the fuss..
But then the started to shake..
And my adrenaline started to rush..

I got down on my knees
As the doctors rolled her away..
I screamed and I cried..
As I began to pray..

All those drugs I did
And all those filthy lies
please forgive me lord
And trade her life for mine!

I know I haven't done
Everything just right..
But put your hands on this girl
And keep her safe tonight..

After my prayer
I went out of the room..
And sat until I slept
And fell out of loom..

I awakened to a cry
Of a mothers distress..
Holding her poor darlings
Bloody, bloody dress..

I ran to her asking
"What happened to the little girl?"..
She looked at me me and then spat..
And cried," You did this to her!"

Thats when it hit me..
Her face I will never forget..
My dear that is my
Deepest regret..

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Ditto!

Thanks..I think... O.o

break upon me living flesh
teach me how to scribe these things unseen
out from the beautiful affliction
of what once was a memory...

a studied frame left all alone
of papers writ that promises shes gone
of nothing more then selfish banter
to appease not hearing her voice

only machines reassure me that something withen her still stirs with the fire of life...
if you could call it that much
i followed in after the docors and
if they didnt swear to me
that the little computer
lying next to her bed
showed them and me
enough information
to legitimize a living being...

i would have sworn to you she was already gone

pale blue skin

artificial oxygen intake

the soft drip wich is all that remains of her sustinance...

i cannot lie to you...it was me...

i waited there...untill all the searching eyes of careless caregivers where nowhere to be seen...

it was me...who studied the oxygen dispencer with the eyes of a trained engineer...

it was i who figured out what exactly to do so the doctors wouldnt suspect a thing...it was i who walked out with the edges of the world carved a little deeper upon my brow...

and it was i they called...not even 10 minutes later...telling me that things took a turn for the worse...and it was i who cried endlessly that entire day untill i reached a fevered point of exaustion where fantasy and reality blended so perfectly...

and it was there that i saw your face for the last time...as we said our good byes

but this poem is supposed to be about regret isnt it?

all these things that i have admited too...all these things it was i that did...none of them i regret...

but what i do regret...is not spending more time with the most beautiful of people...not opening my ears and closing my mouth...letting the wisdom of age and peace pervade my entire existance...

i regret the time that i did not give to you willingly, i regret the days i worked and slept when i could have been creating at least one more memories...

and today...the memories fade a little more each day...i know there are things that you would love to keep in your memory forever...but you are lying to yourself if you say that they do not disperse with time...

but one memory...one that is etched into the essence of my mind and heart...the day you laid hands upon my daughter...telling me that nothing but good will come to this one...the day you passed your saint like nature on to my little girl..,

she has your laugh :')

rest in peace Grandma Rider...

you will never be forgotten...

I Would Take It Back...

I can't believe we had A N O T H E R fight
I don't know how we'll ever make this right
We say mean things to each other in spite
I dread coming home to your screams tonight

Slowly pulling in my driveway is when
An eerie feeling comes across my skin
Chills creep up my spine quivering my chin
Something feels wrong from very deep within

Walking to my door, I tremble with the key
I am late, will I get the third degree
Something inside is telling me to flee
What I will find there is no guarantee

I open the door, everything is still
The silence inside is deafening and shrill
I look down and see an out of place pill
To take another step is against my will

I put down my purse and take off my shoes
This rancid place smells like stale air and booze
I turn on a light, he must have blown a fuse
I told him that's not a plug to overuse

I turn the corner with great feeling of dread
Oh good, he is sound asleep on top the bed
I wonder if the animals have been fed
...what the fuck is that all over his head

I squint my eyes and closer I inch
What in the world is that God awful stench
It smells like iron, I give my nose a pinch
"Is that blood", I say allowed with a flinch

What in God's name did you do to your face
I am so confused and my heart starts to race
My mind can't process, it can't keep up the pace
Oh God, the gun! Why is out of it's case?

What the fuck did you do? What have I done?
Should I call the police, or turn and run?
Do you feel like you have finally won?
You got the last word with the use of your gun

This wasn't to happen, not to occur
Just another meaningless threat, another slur
I can't breathe, I can't see, everything's a blur
The alternative you leave, this you prefer?

How could you possibly think this is better?
You didn't say bye or leave me a letter
I am not surprised you wore your best sweater
When you decided to life to become it's debtor

What do I do now, what do I tell our babies
That you ran off with a whole bunch of ladies
Maybe that you died from a dog that had rabies
Or that daddy chose to leave you for Hades

I can't believe you did this, I'm in much despair
You ended your life cause you thought I don't care
I still love you, I was just angry I swear
Now it is too late, no time to fix our error

I would take it all back to save your life
I would not fight you I would stay your wife
I would make sure we did not live in strife
I would never hurt you again all your life