Worst Family

I was searching the bottom of a glass
for some inspiration
when I remembered my dear sister:
Five years my junior,
complete with a few cliché tattoos
and a couple of sprogs
to keep the benefit cheques rolling in.
The daughter of my dear mother
who waited until I was eleven
to leave a note on a kitchen table at 3 am
declaring her permanent absence
from our lives.
We drove around for hours
trying to find the new suitors house,
but when we got there my father did nothing.
That man! What a man!
Cremated to a dreadful piece of music
I chose to forget.
It wasn’t chosen by him,
the Stan Kenton fan,
but by his wife,
my step mother.
The same woman that saw me homeless
at seventeen, playing on park bench
for a few evenings
before I found my saviour.
He stood up for himself so much
that his blood line was removed from the will
when it was handed over
to my step mother and her daughter.
‘You can trust us’
they must laugh together
over whatever my hard earned cash
has bought them to drink.
Then there’s the brother:
I define unlucky
with a man who has a vasectomy
at the age of eighteen
and carries four kids in to his thirties.
I define misdirected as a physical threat
from Canada that is supposed to carry weight.
Anyhow, now there’s no need to buy
the forthcoming novel;
‘This is how to escape,’
which is a good thing,
because I’ll never finish it anyhow.

you might pass me in the streets
and never guess
what a gem of a family
i have lived amongst
so much drama
so many grudges
it's like being in a reality show
minus the presiding judges
to cut the worst out
only to have em come back
for the season finale

i come from a big family you see
eight in total, not counting the extended tree
who've blessed us with this animus gene
we fight, we scratch, we plot, we plan
you'd think we were fighting in a full fledged war
our delicate hands grow into clubs
the moment we sense rivalry
trivial  squabbles that quickly multiply
next thing you know, you're arrested by the police

i smirk and imagine what would happen
if i invite my work buddies for a family gathering
they'ld shove and pull to reach the door
the moment someone's temper soars
starts breaking chairs and exchanging blows
with whoever that messed up, maybe sat too close
oh how this meeting will generate IOU's
to various therapists to wipe out these discovered truths
and eventually cast me out to get the boot

who else can say that the mafia pales
to what my clan has gotten away with
bin Laden's brood would be chewed and spewed
if they were ever put against half of my kin
so next time you pass a grinning angel on the street
you might want to wonder if you're passing by me ;)

Ok here goes nothing.

Daddy was a sexual offender
Momma was a stripper
I was brought into this world unloved and despised
All because I was born because they were unwise
One night of drunken sex
On the pool table without a latex
Yea that’s why I’m here
All because of too much beer
I was never given anything as a child
No toys, no gadgets, hell not even a sense of style
I was forced to make it all on my own
And over the years surround my heart with a wall of stone
Which I started to build when my “mother” let her boyfriend rape me
She sat there and laughed instead of helping me
She told me, “You deserve that
You little slut bag brat.”
Since then it’s gotten better
I get hit a lot, but raped? Never!
Now mother wishes I’d take up the business
Of fucking the Johns and strippin’  
Still that’s not TOO bad you may say
Well then I want you to live my life for a day...

To the family,

You all are the fucking worst,
why do you all treat me like nothing,
every day?
Once in a while i would
get it
but every day,
it makes me feel
like all the real
is like nothing
compared to what
you steal from me every day,
i hope one day you all get what
i am  talking about.
You all do it
not just the boys,
but yes you to mother.
Yes that is you im talking about
with the words you call
and the screams that echo
its all for the worst
i get it.
Please,
just one favor
fuck off.

He regards me with thinly veiled disdain
I assess him with his eyes
Only thing I got from my father
Besides disappointment
disapproval
he only liked me
when he was drunk.
unfortunately for me,
he stopped drinking years ago.

He is not well
he chokes on inhaled air
panting in labored breathing
I know, though he is young yet,
he's still not long
for this world.

I don't know what she'll do
My mother doesn't stand alone
unless someone tells her to
and even then she fidgets
she certainly doesn't express disgust
with the husband who hates her daughter
she tells me "try harder"
be like my sister

my sister hears voices
she wears slashes on her legs
like army stripes
in her mental illness war
she's tried suicide
hasn't succeeded yet at last count

but we crowd in closer
olive skin, white teeth, black hair
and we take
one hell of a beautiful family picture.

My beloved family

There is mother and father
and pretty elder sister
and then there is me
My parents are beautiful
My sister a golden girl
I am just a little brownie

My sister had golden haloes
I had none at all
Nobody wanted to know
If I existed at all
I was a little girl
and that is all

When my sister got married
Her husband threatened
To kill the three of them
If I did not give in to him
Every day since the age of thirteen
I opened my legs and let him
Do what he liked any time

I told my mother
I told my father
I told my sister too
They think me a bother
A stupid attention getter
So I stopped to care

Until one day I ran away
To a different life
and a far far away
They did not care
Or find a way
To take me home

Until I completed life's highway
as a little whore
Paying my education that way
Earned money like a trooper
I returned to my mother's grave
To say goodbye
of my father and sister
and the brother in law
I do not want to know.